Ok so, 1/4 of 2017 is already over, don't you know. Which means, that I have now officially succesfully finished my traineeship. It was a lot of fun, but thanks to my beloved university I couldn't enjoy anything anymore, got depressed, had a lot of days and nights filled with anxiety about my future. Basically, I'm starting once more to put everything I've done so far and everything I was planning into question.
I'm so fed up with my so called friends or other people who always ask stuff like "Gee, shouldn't you have your degree already? Shouldn't you be working already?"
Oh no, I'm doing this for fun, you know. I'm staying at this shitty university totally because I have nothing better to do.
So now that my traineeship is over, it's right back to campus for me. The weird thing is, I'm kinda looking forward to it. Not because I can't wait to sit in the lecture halls and also not because I neccessarily want to study again (all that's left for me are super hardcore subjects and I already failed 2 of them last year). It's just because I can finally plan my weeks by myself.
During my traineeship there was that one thing that annoyed me the most: Not being able to make progress with my projects because I needed my supervisor's help while he was super busy all the time. Of course I get that. I'm not his Nr.1 priority. But because of that I couldn't do ANYTHING important so I just sat there, waiting for someone to tell me that I might as well just leave then. That went on for only a few weeks, but it was annoying as eff. Also, I'm that kind of person that HAS to be super dead on time. I HATE tardiness (typical German speaking here, haha
) and therefore, my traineeship was really frustrating from time to time. Especially when my supervisor would tell me that we are supposed to be at X at exactly 10.30 a.m. He said we're leaving at 10. So I'm packing up, lock my office and head downstairs at 9.45., get to the bathroom before we leave and head to his office to wait with him (and use the opportunity to talk about other stuff). But there's someone in his office, talking to him. Ok then, I'll wait. Remember, he says, we're leaving at 10.00 a.m.
It's 10.05 a.m. and the woman in his office leaves. I talk with her for a few mins. Then I head to his office again, just to see (through the glass wall) that he's on the phone. And knowing him, that is totally gonna last for another 30mins. So, at 10.37 a.m. he finally hung up and got his stuff together. At that time I was kinda pissed again, because I simply hate tardiness AND waiting for him to get ready for almost an hour. Stupid thing is, apparently it wasn't even a bad thing, because he and his work mate agreed to meet later. And that's another thing that pissed me off. Why didn't he tell me? I could have done something useful up in my office.
Anyway, besides the fact that I hated to always be uninformed of anything and to have to deal with tardiness sometimes, it was an amazing traineeship and I loved it. But I'm really happy it's over now, because now I know what awaits me, when I go to campus. I know my time table and nothing else will happen that day. I mean I won't die if I meet a friend that day and miss my train or something. But I can't stand it when I have absolutely no idea what awaits me the next day. Now I know that I have my lectures on Monday and after that I can go home again.
But I'm still having anxiety about my future. Did you ever experience that moment where you really wished someone would have told you something BEFORE you chose to do something? And that you felt so stupid afterwards, because now you have to decide wether you quit everything or keep going just for the sake of finally finishing? That's how I feel these days.
Yeah that's what I'm doing these days. Worrying.
Hope you guys are good.